All I Need To Know About Life
I Learned From My Dog

• If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.


• When it comes to having sex, if at first you don't succeed, beg.


• Don't go out without I.D.


• Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by peeing on their shoes.


• Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.


• Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.


• Always give people a friendly greeting -- a cold nose in the crotch is effective.


• When you do something wrong, always take responsibility for it (as soon as you're dragged out from under the bed).


• If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.

My Dog's Philosophy of Life:

"Life is short; bite hard."

Oh, wait – my dog is a Golden Retriever. Nevermind.

The "somewhat less genteel version" of my dog's Philosophy of Life